


I am here

by sabishii_bun



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, F/M, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light Angst, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 14:22:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28708119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sabishii_bun/pseuds/sabishii_bun
Summary: "Am I not good enough Y/n? Am I not a good friend? Why are you never talking to me?"
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	I am here

A girl came running into the gym where the five teams had been training since early in the morning. Nobody really said anything, the majority of the other school's players knew her, she belonged to the Fukurodani Girls Volleyball team. They were training with other teams at Shinzen High as well.

“Bokuto.” She called out, walking towards Fukurodanis Third Years, she caught Kuroo's attention as well because normally when she came storming in like that something was wrong with Y/n.

“It’s Y/n. I don’t know what to do anymore.” The girl sighed and Nekoma’s Captain came closer. The third years of Fukurodani and Nekoma were close friends of Y/n so the girl’s Captain went to them to ask for help with the second-year problem child. “She- Y/n hasn’t been eating with us lately,” a pause “And she’s not training with us much, mostly at night, alone. She sleeps too long again.” Momoji, a girl with smooth purple-dyed hair looks up at Bokuto, “She won’t talk to me. It’s now worse than ever.”

“Get her here.” Akaashi steps forward, he knows that Bokuto gets too emotional when the topic surrounds Y/n, Kuroo is the same and the other third years are too concerned to think clearly.

Momoji pauses for a short second, nods, and runs straight to where the girls had been sleeping for the past two days.

“You don’t think she fell into it again, right? Right?” Yaku-san joined them and looked up at Kuroo, who just shrugged, hoping that wasn’t the case.  
“We will talk to her; it will be alright.” Akaashi was more concerned about Bokuto at the moment, he was the closest friend of hers, they went to the same junior high and knew each other for years by now. He gets mad at her easily even though he knows she tries or at least tried for some time, to break out of her self-destructive habits.

Just a few minutes later the boys heard a distant argument coming closer to the gym, soon after you were pushed into the gym by Momoji, your captain and friend, who disappeared quickly. She really didn’t want to deal with the angry third year.

You stand at the entrance, looking up at the third year, and quickly turned around to leave again, but Kuroo knew beforehand and blocked it.

“What?!” you asked, crossing your arms in front of you. Even though it was summer in Japan, and a tough one at that, you were wearing a wide long-arm shirt, simply because you felt in it, the tight shirts you normally wore to practice were uncomfortable in your current state and you knew that Bokuto had figured out what was wrong. He wasn’t the smartest but because you two were friends since middle school he knew. He read you like a book, so did the other third years and it made you feel bad, you wanted to leave before reality hit you, wanted to crawl back into bed where no one could tell you were getting bad again.

“How often did you not eat with them, not train with them? How often did you distance yourself? When did you start again?” Fukurodanis Captain was calm but furious at the same time, he came closer which made you step back, hitting Kuroo who stopped you from running.

“I- I don’t-“

“Don’t lie to me Y/n.” he grabbed your shoulder and dragged you out of the gym, into another building. He let go of you in front of the lockers, stared at you, no, he stared you down.

“Look, It’s not that bad, I just-“

“You’re lying to me again Y/n. Momoji wouldn’t have come to us if it ‘weren’t that bad’. She said you’re not eating with the team, not practicing with them either. Why are you distancing yourself again? Why are you not talking to me Y/n? Am I not a good friend to you? Am I not good enough?”

That hurt, you thought. It hurt seeing him like that, he felt as if you’re not trusting him and, maybe he was right. It was hard talking about this, even though he knew already. But he thought you were getting better, that you were fighting it. But he was wrong. It got worse again the past six months, not that it ever got any better.  
That’s not true, you told yourself. It got better when he was watching you, when you ate together, practiced after your official practices. Momoji was like that too. Both had stopped after two months because you seemed to be better. But then it got worse again. You didn’t exactly know why it happened again; you really thought their help made you feel less worthless, less ugly. They indeed made you feel better.

And then your team lost the Inter-High. A few third years left, they didn’t blame you, but they also didn’t say it wasn’t your fault. You were the ace of the team, a wing spiker, an Allrounder. The team had faith in you. And then you let them down. 

You made it into the final but that was it. You made so many mistakes in that game and their looks hurt. You’d rather be hurt physically than experience this mental pain you were feeling for the past 4 months. 

Of course, Momoji said not to worry, but that was easier said than done.

“That’s not true.” You finally answered him. “I just don’t want to bother you. I want you to enjoy your last year, not worrying about me all the time. I’m not some kid you have to watch over.”

He stepped closer, probably to hug you, tell you it was fine, that he liked watching over you because he did. Normally he was the one being watched over because of his childish behavior and he was glad he had you.

But you stopped him.

“It’s my fault that we lost the final. It’s my fault that the third year's cried. Maybe I’m not good enough, maybe I should stop playing volleyball. Maybe I should have ki-“

“Shut up!”

Your head shot up, shocked, paralyzed. He was crying. You made someone cry, again.  
“I am not saying that it’s not your fault. But losing is never the fault of only one person. It’s always the team. The team can’t win if they're weak. It’s not only you.” He finally reached out to you, hugged you, surrounded you with his warmth. “I couldn’t live without you Y/n, and you know that. So, don’t even think about ending it or I will kill you…”

Tears started streaming down your cheeks but you couldn’t help but laugh at his words.  
“I-I need you too, Kou. Please bear with me until I’m better.” You mumbled into his shirt and he nodded, reassuring you that he would never leave.


End file.
